Getting More Than A Date in 2008

Happy New Year Everyone!

A friend sent me a Happy New Year greeting about the lack of men in her town, one of the largest and most diverse cities in the world. Here theme song for the year is: Can A Sistah Get A Date In 2008. I know the music and the melody, as I have hummed the tune many times between relationships ever more resolved to do better the next time, in terms of my choices.

More important than learning to guard my heart, was the realization that I have filled up the emptiness, the hurt, the acute loneliness which found me driving around on Saturday evenings from one mall to another, and my frustration with God and “His wonder plan”, whatever, it was. I remember how angry I was at God for taking so long to bless me with a decent healthy relationship. I used to look at all those plain women in the mall pushing a stroller with their husband, and no thought of how much they needed make-up and wonder why they had someone but I did not. I wanted what I wanted right then and there, and so, does my big-city friend, her angst clearly bleeding into her terse text messages.

I know that she does not just want a “date” this year. She could have that. She is pretty, smart, and a really cool person. She wants to meet someone, be courted, get married, and have a family—like other people. When I let go of that desire, which had become my idol, I was able to not only hear God’s promises, I was able to realize and receive those blessings. I actually moved to a place where I desired Him more than a relationship. In that place, God was able to bless me with a person of His choosing, just as He said He would do—way back on March 3, 2001—when I was lost literally late one night trying to find my way home.

Our first request to God is not when are you going to send someone. But, rather the question is: God, please show me what is standing in the way of a healthy relationship and me. Once you have presented this question, sit with it for while, being careful to listen to his answer—or lack thereof. Listening to a non-answer may sound funny, but it’s how I reached a breakthrough in this area. A non-answer may be God’s way of developing something in you that you will need when He gives you an answer.

In the year 2000, God instructed me to love Him. Over the years, I kept thinking: “But, I already love God, so what does He mean by telling me to love Him?” One day I realized that in the process of regularly attending a weekly praise and worship service (not Sunday morning worship), I was learning to love Him the way He wanted me to. God wanted me to actively love and adore Him. As a result, I began to desire Him more than anything else I had ever desired before that. Material things began to seem petty, and pointless. I wanted to be at the praise service more than I wanted to go to other places. I looked forward to my quiet time with Him, and found joy in just loving Him. Suddenly, relationships as I had known them seemed so small in comparison to this love I had uncovered for my friend, Jesus because I had filled the holes in my spirit with Him. As a result, I am a more complete person. The holes that I used to fill up with unsatisfying relationships, meaningless people and events have been filled with an unconditional, incomparable love of myself and God. As a whole person, I am ready for God to bless me with the man of His choosing, someone who will not require spiritual compromise or emotional erosion. And, God is faithful…

This year, (like all years) God has so much more to offer you than a date in 2008. Please send me your comments. You may post them here or at my regular email kmoody4761@aol.com.

Karen

Guarding Your Heart-Listening

Hello Bloggers:

There may not be any one way to guard your heart. But, I have cultivated a few methods over years of mistakes. One way I now guard my heart is by listening for God’s voice and following through on His directives. But, in order to listen to God, we have to recognize or know His voice when He is speaking to you in your situation about your situation. Just as important, is being able to interpret his silence(another hard lesson learned...). Listening to God requires discipline and self-restraint to ignore all the other messages filtering in about what your life should be and where you should be in your life. Unless messages are filtered to you by the conduit of the Holy Spirit, the information being sent to your brain is potentially poison to your spirit. The irony is that God’s messages are as clear as the ungodly messages. We have only to stop and listen to hear His voice.

Several years ago, I was returning home from a familiar place. For some reason, I took a wrong turn, and I could not find my way back to the main road. Earlier that week, I had asked God what stood between me and a healthy relationship. I continued to ponder the question as I tried to find my way home that night. I turned to the left, and found myself at a dead end street. I stopped the car to figure out where I first went wrong. While I was sitting in my car totally lost, I heard God say to my spirit: "You must die to your desire for a particular man so that I can raise up the man I have for you."

Wow! In that one moment, I got two answers...at least. First, I now knew that focusing on a particular person of my choosing (whoever happened to be in my space at the time) was the roadblock to a healthy, nurturing relationship. At the same moment, I turned my car around, immediately discovered a familiar street, and found my way home. I was no longer lost. I had heard God's voice that night, and I found my way home. Well, I got home that night without incident. If only I had listened to what God was telling me about my relationship choices, I may have gotten to the healthy, nurturing relationship sooner.

Let me know if you have a similar situation in which God was clearly telling you something. I am interested in hearing the results whether you followed through on his instruction, or if you made other choices. You can send your reply to wellspring423@aol.com.

The Wellspring Of Life

Hello Friends: Thanks for stopping by today. In pondering the question of why we need to guard our hearts, I considered the source of the admonition. In Proverbs 4:23, a father instructs his son to guard his heart for it is the wellspring of life. In this command, the father gives his son advice, and then gives a reason. First, he warns the son to protect his heart. Then he explains that the reason his son should protect his heart is because the heart is the wellspring of life, meaning that the heart is where life originates. The father implies that if the heart is left unguarded, it can be attacked. Furthermore, he implies that a heart under attack cannot operate efficiently as the source of life. When we cease to protect the source of life, we expose ourselves to feeling lifeless. When I have left my heart unguarded, and it was subsequently attacked in unexpected ways, the result has been that that I would prefer death to suffering through the agony of the healing process. Avoiding that state of mind which would prefer death to life is reason enough to guard one’s heart. For in such a place you do not reap the victories and abundances that God has promised.

What do you think? Have you ever been to the place where your heart was unguarded? What was the result? What did you learn from that experience? You may reply here, or you may reply to me at wellspring423@aol.com.

Why Guard Your Heart?

When I talk to Christian singles about their relationship choices, often I hear frustration about not being able to pin-point the sources of the problems in the relationship. I believe that our problems result from the fact that the choice to be in a relationship with the other person was based on heart and not spirit. Where we make our decisions and choices is significant because according to God’s word, the heart is desperately wicked.[1] Yet, it is the place where we tend to make the very decisions, and ultimately, the choices which come back to kick our heart's butt. All of the vices in Galatians 5:19-21 start in the heart. They do not form in the spirit. Likewise, Jesus told His disciples that out of men’s hearts come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy slander, arrogance and folly.[2] On the contrary, the spirit bears love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.[3]

If we take Jesus at his word, and believe that the heart is desperately wicked, so wicked that we cannot trust it, then, arguably we should not rely on the heart when making decisions about our relationships. A wicked heart could set you up to believe that your decisions are good, but because the heart is unreliable, our heart-based decisions may not be grounded in the security of a spirit-based decision. For instance, my heart-based thoughts might conclude that I should avoid relationships because of past experiences. A spirit-based thought says I will not love anyone until God makes manifest his word to raise someone up for me. Why? Because God told my spirit that he will raise up someone of his choosing for me. I can choose to find patience in my spirit, rather than believe the deceit in my heart.
[1] Jeremiah 17:9
[2] Mark 7:21-23
[3] Galatians 5:22-23

Guarding Your Heart Today

I have heard from several of you that you don't think that I would be interested in your relationship stories because they don't reflect Christian principles. Well, neither do mine! If my relationships had, I would not be writing this book, nor this blog. If I had approached my relationships from the standpoint of my relationship with Christ, as opposed to my relationship with my self-centered self, then I would not have had the developmental experiences that brings me to this point. God has been very gracious to me in this journey. Through all of my travails, I have learned the endless satisfaction which comes from loving him first. For years, I tried to fill up the emptiness in me with other people. I only ended up emptier. My imperfections have led me on a journey of wholeness through my love for Christ.

So, don't be shy! send me your stories about relationship situations which may have gone off-track, and how it affected your spiritual development. There are plenty of stories in which the relationship progressed in accordance with Christian principles and still did not work out. And, there are many which have worked out. I can't wait to read your story.

Welcome

Hello Friends:

Welcom to Guard Your Heart! The Proverbs verse from Proverbs from which Guard Your Heart comes, has floated around in my head since about 1999. I kept thinking that I should start a ministry on this theme. Then, I thought I would write a book, but there were so many "relationship" books, I decided against it. Then, I put together a workshop, but didn't think anyone would be interested. Then, after several particularly brutal relationships, I began to reflect upon the choices I had made and why I had made them. I started writing, because that is how I best express myself. Eventually, I sent a book proposal to a publisher.

The publisher is interested in a book which addresses particular Christian principles. I need you to send me accounts of your experiences. I may be able to use them in my book to support certain principles. I will need to authenticate your submissions, so please include a telephone number where I can reach you.

Thanks,