When I talk to Christian singles about their relationship choices, often I hear frustration about not being able to pin-point the sources of the problems in the relationship. I believe that our problems result from the fact that the choice to be in a relationship with the other person was based on heart and not spirit. Where we make our decisions and choices is significant because according to God’s word, the heart is desperately wicked.[1] Yet, it is the place where we tend to make the very decisions, and ultimately, the choices which come back to kick our heart's butt. All of the vices in Galatians 5:19-21 start in the heart. They do not form in the spirit. Likewise, Jesus told His disciples that out of men’s hearts come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy slander, arrogance and folly.[2] On the contrary, the spirit bears love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.[3]
If we take Jesus at his word, and believe that the heart is desperately wicked, so wicked that we cannot trust it, then, arguably we should not rely on the heart when making decisions about our relationships. A wicked heart could set you up to believe that your decisions are good, but because the heart is unreliable, our heart-based decisions may not be grounded in the security of a spirit-based decision. For instance, my heart-based thoughts might conclude that I should avoid relationships because of past experiences. A spirit-based thought says I will not love anyone until God makes manifest his word to raise someone up for me. Why? Because God told my spirit that he will raise up someone of his choosing for me. I can choose to find patience in my spirit, rather than believe the deceit in my heart.
[1] Jeremiah 17:9
[2] Mark 7:21-23
[3] Galatians 5:22-23
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