Happy New Year Everyone!
A friend sent me a Happy New Year greeting about the lack of men in her town, one of the largest and most diverse cities in the world. Here theme song for the year is: Can A Sistah Get A Date In 2008. I know the music and the melody, as I have hummed the tune many times between relationships ever more resolved to do better the next time, in terms of my choices.
More important than learning to guard my heart, was the realization that I have filled up the emptiness, the hurt, the acute loneliness which found me driving around on Saturday evenings from one mall to another, and my frustration with God and “His wonder plan”, whatever, it was. I remember how angry I was at God for taking so long to bless me with a decent healthy relationship. I used to look at all those plain women in the mall pushing a stroller with their husband, and no thought of how much they needed make-up and wonder why they had someone but I did not. I wanted what I wanted right then and there, and so, does my big-city friend, her angst clearly bleeding into her terse text messages.
I know that she does not just want a “date” this year. She could have that. She is pretty, smart, and a really cool person. She wants to meet someone, be courted, get married, and have a family—like other people. When I let go of that desire, which had become my idol, I was able to not only hear God’s promises, I was able to realize and receive those blessings. I actually moved to a place where I desired Him more than a relationship. In that place, God was able to bless me with a person of His choosing, just as He said He would do—way back on March 3, 2001—when I was lost literally late one night trying to find my way home.
Our first request to God is not when are you going to send someone. But, rather the question is: God, please show me what is standing in the way of a healthy relationship and me. Once you have presented this question, sit with it for while, being careful to listen to his answer—or lack thereof. Listening to a non-answer may sound funny, but it’s how I reached a breakthrough in this area. A non-answer may be God’s way of developing something in you that you will need when He gives you an answer.
In the year 2000, God instructed me to love Him. Over the years, I kept thinking: “But, I already love God, so what does He mean by telling me to love Him?” One day I realized that in the process of regularly attending a weekly praise and worship service (not Sunday morning worship), I was learning to love Him the way He wanted me to. God wanted me to actively love and adore Him. As a result, I began to desire Him more than anything else I had ever desired before that. Material things began to seem petty, and pointless. I wanted to be at the praise service more than I wanted to go to other places. I looked forward to my quiet time with Him, and found joy in just loving Him. Suddenly, relationships as I had known them seemed so small in comparison to this love I had uncovered for my friend, Jesus because I had filled the holes in my spirit with Him. As a result, I am a more complete person. The holes that I used to fill up with unsatisfying relationships, meaningless people and events have been filled with an unconditional, incomparable love of myself and God. As a whole person, I am ready for God to bless me with the man of His choosing, someone who will not require spiritual compromise or emotional erosion. And, God is faithful…
This year, (like all years) God has so much more to offer you than a date in 2008. Please send me your comments. You may post them here or at my regular email kmoody4761@aol.com.
Karen
